During my first weeks of college, an upperclassman imbibed in me an idea that, while given with good intentions, proved destructive to my happiness at DePauw. Although my sexual orientation may not have been the greatest mystery, I opted to test the waters slowly in regards to what personal information I made public. I had begun to come out in high school with relative success, but the intimidating first days of college led me to take steps backward. While the entire campus was making new friends and finding communities with which they could identify, hiding my sexuality felt like the safe thing to do. The decision to wait felt safe and I firmly believed--and still believe--that everyone must ‘come out’ when it feels right for them.
Within about two weeks of my college career, a queer individual who I had gotten to know by chance told me the best way to handle being gay on campus was to remain closeted. “Stay in the closet...at least till after rush when you get into the fraternity you want,” he said.
He noted that, although the campus climate was warming up to LGBT elements, being gay would hinder my overall experience at DePauw. I was told that while some houses had openly gay men, a homophobic stigma exists in Greek life. He assured me that climate on the issue was improving on campus but still advised a closeted freshman year.
Thus, my advice to freshman Andrew: DePauw as a whole appreciates authenticity. Be unapologetically you.
Because of this student’s words, I drained my personality and spent energy into hiding aspects of myself, which gave fellow students a false impression of who I was. I tried finding a community that would accept this person that wasn’t me. This advice and resulting behavior affected how I thought I needed to act and portray myself.
In spite of all this, I was naively unaware that I was already a part of a community that accepts me as a brother: the swim team. My team has supported me throughout every up and down of my college experience. Although the swim team has a limited influence with gay students on campus, I want to advocate that the support and acceptance has grown.
As an openly gay senior, I have been touched by many different groups and communities that exhibit this accepting climate. Men I didn’t even know from fraternities--with histories of homophobia--have shown support for my wildest antics exhibiting gay pride (see: Gold Speedo for the gays). Students and faculty have actively reached out to affirm this notion, that DePauw is getting better. It may not be perfect--we still have many issues to address even after I leave this institution--but don’t be afraid. When you are ready, be brave and be you. You’ll be surprised to see how DePauw has grown.