The differences between IFC and your mother


Last week, my mom sent me a care package full of homemade Rice Krispies treats, a Harry Potter Lego set (it took 10 minutes to build, but now I have the "Freeing Dobby" Lego scene) and some other random items for my room that I still appreciated because I'm secretly a 10-year-old child. But don't let my maturity (or lack thereof) get in the way of you reading this column.

Oh, and last week, IFC sent us new regulations.

At my fifth birthday party, my mom let me have five friends over. None of them were members of my family. It was so much fun. We made birdhouses and got tool belts with real kid-sized hammers.  At one point, my friend Tim came over. I didn't even expect him to be there, but my Mom was fine with him being there.  Also, we didn't even plan the event a week in advance.

For my 21st birthday, even if it's an open party, IFC will only allow three non-members per person at my house. The event must be registered a week beforehand. If another friend arrives who I did not expect, I am required by IFC to not let him enter. I might wear a tool belt though.

I remember when my older sister, Katie, had some people over for her 16th birthday. It quickly developed into a party when at least 31 people came. My parents were concerned about the growing number of people. Katie was too, so she made some of the uninvited guests leave. After that, there were still over 30 people there, but they weren't causing any problems. The problem resolved itself, and Katie didn't have to call in by 11 p.m. They didn't even take money out of her allowance. 

Let's say hypothetically that you are headed back to your fraternity on Friday night. A few buddies from another fraternity – you know, those pals from Hogate 3 freshman year – want to come over. You invite them to your fraternity's common room/informal/abandoned basement. You're having a great time and invite the rest of Hogate 3 over, maybe even Hogate 4 (but not Hogate 2, because they were all girls, and girls are icky). 

Suddenly, about 30 people are at your house and, according to IFC, you have until 11 p.m. to call in and report the party. You call, and IFC gives you a "freebie." Thanks IFC – you're so understanding. Wait, this is my one "freebie" for the semester? You're not joking?

It gets worse. Imagine you are well aware of the IFC regulations and the one "freebie." Would you call it in? You probably wouldn't. It's like telling your mom you destroyed the expensive Oriental rug and had to throw it out, when she wouldn't notice the rug was missing otherwise. You put yourself in trouble, and IFC has to go buy a new rug – or something like that.

IFC is working hard – we all understand and appreciate that. But my mom also worked hard raising me. She made me conscious and aware of my own safety, without implementing ridiculous rules. Except that miserable month when every time we did our chores, we earned a marble for our own personal jar. I think the winner got to go see Lion King. 

IFC needs to work on ensuring the fraternity executive boards are responsible while not treating us like children. But if they take us to see Lion King 3D, I wouldn't mind. I'm buying popcorn.

Love you, Mom. Thanks for reading this online. Send more food.


Jorgenson is a junior from Shawnee, Kan., majoring in English writing and film studies.