There is an epidemic taking over DePauw's campus. Students are obsessed with adding the schools name into any word possible.
It first caught my attention when a friend of mine asked me if I would be attending the "DePauwpera." An opera at DePauw is called a DePauwpera, duh.
Nothing that begins with the "Au" sound is safe from the clever students of DePauw.
Adding DePauw to random words takes the word to the next level.
They still have their original meaning but it is amplified to DePauw status.
Every student at DePauw is not longer just popular but DePauwpular, a new, superior level of popularity.
When you are DePauwpular, your favorite song plays when you walk into a room, you have constant light shining over you and people will cheer when you enter the room and gladly offer their seats to you.
Being so DePauwpular, you will be asked to attend many events, and walking around campus you are bound to get tired.
If you need to rest your feet, when you are DePauwpular, one of the just-popular kids will pull up a DePauwttoman for you.
This isn't just any regular place to put your feet; it is an ottoman from this wonderful campus.
A DePauwttoman is extremely comfortable, extra bouncy and can be found in almost every major building on campus.
When you take a seat on a DePauwttoman all of your stress and worries melt away. I suggest the DePauwttomans at The Den — they are spectacular.
DePauwpular students don't eat just anything at The Den they eat DePauwpcorn.
Naturally DePauwpcorn is more flavorful than any other popcorn in the world.
Orville Redenbacher's people have been badgering the good food services people of DePauw to give him the secret for years.
The thing is that DePauwpcorn doesn't have a secret ingredient. Just the fact that it was made on DePauw's campus gives it the extra spice.
Some call it magic, but we all know it is just good old Tiger pride.
When a DePauwpular student is resting their feet on a DePauwttoman in a public place such as The Den eating some DePauwpcorn, one of the simply popular students is bound to ask for their DePauwtograph.
A DePauwtograph is not just any old autograph. Celebrities like Johnny Depp and Oprah wish they could give an autograph as good as President Casey's DePauwtograph.
A DePauwtograph can be signed with any pen or writing utensil, but once it is finished the ink, being possessed with the DePauw magic, suddenly glows and sparkles.
A children's choir can be heard singing for seconds after the pen leaves the paper.
There are not tragedies when you are DePauwpular because that would just be DePauwful and could possibly cause another DePauwcalypse.
Something no one wants again. If you caused that it would just be DePauwkward for everyone.
What am I saying if we can infuse our extreme DePauw pride into everyday conversations in a witty way, well that's just DePauwesome.
— Cangany is a freshman from Indianapolis, majoring in English writing. firstname.lastname@example.org