Ali remembers three small bits of the night she was raped. They come to her in flashes. She remembers coming into her room with someone. She remembers going into the shower. Then she remembers someone leaving, laughing as they said goodbye.
But Ali can't remember how she ended up in her room, who was with her or how she ended up on her bedroom floor naked.
"I had no idea how I got there," she said. "My room was torn apart: the scarves I had on my wall were ripped down, my standing fan was broken in half and there was a used condom in the drawer where I kept my sheets."
Ali and Director of Public Safety Angela Nally have concluded another drug was slipped into her drink while she was at a fraternity party earlier that night.
"Being a junior at this time, I knew my limits," Ali said. "I knew I had not had enough to drink where I would black out, especially for eight hours."
Ali, now a senior, is not the only person who knows date rape is a problem at DePauw University parties. Predator drugs such as Rohypnol, gamma-hydroxybutyrates (GHB) and other such products are not uncommon in the campus party scene. These drugs are metabolized through a person's system very quickly and can exhibit the same symptoms as heavy drinking: headache, memory loss and feelings of exhaustion, according to Director of Public Safety Angela Nally and Sarah Ryan, head of the Women's Center. Such similar symptoms cause many victims to think they merely drank too much.
"Detecting the use of the date rape drug is the biggest hurdle," Nally said.
Many victims are embarrassed by the idea of being drugged, scared of the social implications of reporting the crime and blame themselves for being raped, according to Ryan. Because of these reactions, DePauw's sexual assault resources, such as Public Safety and the Women's Center, are not being notified of instances of date rape.
After she was raped, Ali did not immediately report the crime because she blamed herself.
"My first reaction was that it was my fault because I didn't think I got that drunk," Ali said, "but [I thought] apparently I did."
Once her friends and family stepped in, Ali reported the crime to Public Safety. Public Safety then had Ali and everyone who was with her at the party look through books filled with pictures of every DePauw student in hopes of identifying her rapist. Neither Ali nor her friends could identify anyone.
"Part of me feels relieved that I didn't have to go through the whole process because girls are totally scrutinized, especially with frats," Ali said. "Everyone is quick to say it was her fault."
Many women on campus agree that they are judged by the DePauw culture for being date raped.
"To be drugged means you let your guard down, or you weren't careful enough. It puts fault on the victim socially," said Rachel, a DePauw junior. "To admit she is drugged attacks her character. It would be a lot easier for me to admit that something happened when I was drunk than if I got drugged."
Other women say they, too, are unsure if they would be able to report a rape after being drugged.
"If that happened to me, I wouldn't know what to do," said Erin, a sophomore. "I mean, I know I would go to the Women's Center, but after that I have no idea."
Lizzie, a sophomore agrees.
"I think people just don't want to talk about it," said Lizzie. "Or they would get defensive."
Ryan, too, has noticed it is difficult for victims to come forward with their rape if they have been drugged, but attributes does not attribute all the hesitation to social stigmas.
"Having date rape drugs involved could lead to someone not coming forward and not reporting what happened because they don't remember what happened," Ryan said.
Ali felt the same fear when she could not remember what happened the night she was raped.
"It was what he says versus what [I] can't remember," Ali said. "And that terrified me."
Male students, however, do not see date rape as prevalent on DePauw's campus.
"It's not that big of a deal," says Stephen, a sophomore. "But not saying it's not a big deal, like it doesn't matter, but it doesn't happen often. I don't act under the assumption that I am going to be roofied."
Sophomore Noam shares a similar belief.
"I'm sure [date rape drugs] are used but I don't think it's that big of a deal on this campus," Noam said. "I don't think we have that kind of student body that would roofie a girl to sleep with her."
Ryan understands why there is a split between the two genders. "Women vastly outnumber men when it comes to being victims of this violence," Ryan said. "The folks that I work with are generally women. This is the Women's Center, so I think both men and women think this is a place for women."
But like most of the male students, Ryan says that date rape drugs are not often used on campus.
"From the students that I work with," Ryan said, "I'm not hearing from students that they suspect that they have been drugged."
But Ryan concedes that just because date rape drugs are not being reported to the Women's Center or to Public Safety does not mean they are not a problem.
Carter, a junior, says that date rape drugs are definitely used on campus, as he, himself, is a victim.
Carter only drank four beers the night he was raped, which he says was not enough to get him drunk.
"I went up to the bar and someone, who I didn't see, handed me a drink," Carter said. "I drank it and started feeling strange, and then nothing. I woke up in my room with a girl who was on my sports team, who had previously tried to hook up with me. I don't know if anything happened."
Unlike Ali, Carter did not report this crime to Public Safety. Being a male and being raped, he says, is not the same as being a female and being raped.
"People thought it was hilarious when I got drugged," Carter said. "I didn't report it because I didn't want to say that's for sure what happened to me. I was embarrassed. It is still embarrassing to me because I'm supposed to take care of myself. No one would think something bad could happen between a girl and me because guys 'just want it all the time'."
Ryan is not surprised that men like Carter have not reported their rapes.
"I think it's more difficult for men to come forward because there are so many other complicating factors in terms of what it means to be a man," Ryan said.
Nally says that using a date rape drug is legally worse than rape without drugs.
"If you commit a rape involving a date rape drug, that becomes a class-A felony," Nally said. "So it becomes a more serious crime with harsher sentences."
Nally says Public Safety is doing all they can to combat the date rape problem, yet students are questioning how effective the university's process is when dealing with these class-A felonies.
"We don't even know how good the university is at following through," said Erin. "Obviously, they don't want bad press. So, how seriously are they going to take these cases?"
Ali is asking similar questions.
"Why are people being allowed to stay on campus when they have been accused of this crime more than once?" Ali asked. "Why is nothing being done to remove these people from our campus life?"
Though she asks why perpetrators are still on campus, she does not say that the university services are the problem.
To Ali, the fraternity way of life causes this issue to spread across campus.
"I verbatim heard in a room from a frat guy to a freshman, 'She's pretty drunk. I think you could get away with it.'," Ali said. "Is this what you are teaching your pledges to do to girls? That kind of behavior is the problem."
With the fraternity life comes the issue of campus-wide popularity of certain student perpetrators, which makes it more difficult for the victims to come forward.
"It's always the people who are prominent figures on campus who are being defended for crimes like this," said Ali. "People are so quick to defend the popular kids on campus. If it was someone like that, I would have no one to back me up."
With so many questions being asked about the process, students have begun to think of their own solutions to convince more victims to report this crime.
"People are going to commit crimes, unless the consequences are higher," said Carter. "It's up to people to be vigilant. Stay away from places where it happens."
Lizzy believes the date rape issue could be solved through the education system.
"It's somewhat out of Public Safety's control," Lizzy said. "I think they should offer a class on sexual assault here. That would at least get people talking about it."
Erin agrees that education is needed, but with more focus on the legal process DePauw goes through with sexual assault victims.
"If people knew more about the process after you report it," Erin said, "I think the problem could be solved."
But for those who have already been affected by date rape on campus, the pain and fear still haunts them regularly. For them, the solution must not be found only for the campus life, but also for the victims.
"It's not a linear path to getting better after being assaulted," said Ali. "You may feel okay for a while, but then something bizarre reminds you of it. Then five years later you wish you did something about it, which I'm sure I'll feel because I'll never know."
Editor's note: Last names have been omitted to protect the sources in this article.