Alright, ladies and gentlemen, it's finally flower-in season here at DePauw. Why, must you ask, am I so excited? Because, to put it simply, I came here to get my M. R. S. degree.
I tell everyone I am majoring in political science and want to be a lawyer, but come on. We all know I'm really here to find a man, and flower-ins are the perfect opportunity to find that one special guy that will grab my heart… among other things.
Let's be real, is there any better way to find Mr. Right than by getting handed flowers by random guys and then making out with them? I think not. As they belligerently serenade me, I will be drop-dead gorgeous — even when I am painted orange with a Snooki-poof standing five inches tall — securing my role as future spouse.
So I literally spend hours upon hours getting ready for the event. Homework? Please, I'm pretty sure finding my future husband is a bit more important than that philosophy essay due tomorrow. When I arrive at the chapter house, the girls and I take numerous pictures together, and I reflect on how these are the last photos I will ever take as a single woman.
Shut. The. Front. Door. The boys are coming.
My friends and I scramble up the stairs in order and wait for their arrival. I'm so nervous; I have already gone to go to the bathroom five times, yet I miraculously have to go again. The girls and I bicker over who we will get flowered-in by. I give the girls who were requested by specific guys dirty looks and the girls with boyfriends in the back death stares. Suddenly, the front door opens and the beautiful men start pouring into the foyer, ready to serenade us.
As the glorious men start to sing their song, I scan the audience trying to figure out which lucky guy will get to taste my strawberry lip gloss in 10 minutes. Could it be that blonde up front? Not really my style.
What about Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome in the back? He's cute, but looks like he wouldn't be a fan of window shopping. The boys are shuffled into the formal and it is time for the main event.
My chapter announces the first girl, and the fraternity announces their first guy. He winks at her and licks his lips. She looks… scared? Amateur.
The guys scream "Make out! Make out!" He walks over, hands her the flower and immediately grabs her, dips her, and goes in for the kiss, but she turns her head to the side just in time. Rejection! Everyone screams in the excitement and he quickly walks away, his face defeated and red with embarrassment.
This continues until the moment of truth arrives. It is finally my turn. My name is called and I walk out onto the floor.
The guy's name is called, and sure enough, Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome walks around the corner. He casually walks up to me, hands me my flower, and for a second our eyes meet. Then we kiss passionately and live happily ever after.
OK, so maybe I exaggerated the whole scenario just a little. The flower-ins are so much fun. The long-standing tradition at DePauw is a great way to meet people and bond with your new friends. I just won't be looking to find my prince.
— Dobias is a freshman from Fishers, Ind., majoring in political science.
opinion@thedepauw.com