On a mission: the search for original hipster

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I have never met some one who takes on the title of hipster with pride. I got a new pair of glasses, and I was surprised by how many people asked me if they were real, then poked them, leaving a smudge and then called me a hipster. 

Because of this new title that I've wrongly been given (my taste in music is not that good, and I only wear that Edgar Allen Poe sweatshirt because I'm lazy), I let my mind wander to who the first hipster might have actually been.

Who ever first thought of cursive? Did cursive come first or did print? Which ever one, it doesn't matter. Who was like "I want to write like this, because the other way of writing is too mainstream." That person was the original hipster. That guy and who ever first came up with the different ways to swim. I want to meet the person who first was like "Let's swim breast stroke, yeah it's difficult but who doesn't like a challenge." Or the guy who was like, "Swim on your back. This way you can breathe but you have no idea where the wall is. You don't need to know that."

Then how did they get it to catch on? It had to start with one guy and his friends. Then those friends' friends. For some reason I imagine the creating of these strokes happening in a lake, there may have been a rope swing present, because the guy who came up with these probably likes to have a good time. 

Once the different strokes caught on did these hipsters drop it? When the creator of butterfly stroke went to the pool and saw everybody doing it was he like, "Oh bologna." Did he throw up his hands and say, "What is this? Some kind of horse crap!" How many other strokes did they try? I hope it happened as a joke like, "Hey guys don't I look stupid? Everybody swim like me!" Then they did, now we all do. Too bad you can't get rich off of making up a new way to swim.

Another person who came to mind that could possibly fall under the original hipster title is the man who first tricked everyone into drinking bottled water.  That man was a genius. How did he trick all of America into believing that paying for what comes out of the sink for free is better? 

Well I want to shake his hand. I grew up in a house where we got a cup and drank the water from the sink and I'm still alive — I'm just slightly odd. And I can refill that cup of water any time I want, easily. That bottled water everyone else is drinking did not really come from a French spring. A little leprechaun man doesn't sit next to the stream filling empty bottles while the sun is shining down upon him as he sings show tunes. Even if a little man did — that's gross. Think about it. Think of everything that could be in that French spring. Wow, you are so much better than the rest of us who drink fluorinated water from the sink. My mom (who knows everything) says that fluoride is good for your teeth. She never mentioned anything about why bottled water is good. Only that it kills the environment. So in conclusion the original bottled water guy was not a hipster, just a condescending jerk. 

 

Cangany is a sophomore from Indianapolis majoring in communications and English writing. She is the opinion editor for The DePauw. opinion@thedepauw.com